emotionally unlogically thinking

it's weird chemistry,, i don't mean to make it develops, even rises,, hummm..., just feel this makes me comfortable. Yeaa.., that's part of my life, and this is the other sides. Actually, I'm tired. Tired from what? Tired from everything, every single thing on my life. i write this while i'm listening 'satu jam saja' song. I think this is the song that almost same with all the things happened on my life. i start to think back about my future. How my future would be? What would i be?. I also think about all the mistakes that been done by the irresponsible person. Hey, who the hell you are that can mess my life. Now i'm talking about forgiveness. It's been 2 years and i can forgive him. Am i wrong? He did it first. I'm so sorry, i have a denial about forgiveness. I want to over all this SHIT things as soon as possible. I need a deep breath, refresh my energy and remove my emotion. How can i transform a bad thing into a good thing if i always living with this situation.